Amy Does Math (Be Very Scared)


I am terrible at math – embarrassingly so.

It’s so black and white, right and wrong. Two plus two always has to equal four. Things always have to be precise and I’m not a precision gal by any stretch. Right now in heaven, my dad is shaking his head in agreement and saying to all the other dads up there that this is the reason I was never allowed to hold the other end of a tape measure during a home repair project. “Sure, Dad, that looks to be about five and …um…5/16ths….or is it five and 3/4ths?”

I’m the one who says to some lost stranger trying to find their way around the neighborhood, “Oh that’s about three miles away” when it’s actually eight. Or, when Dave is doing the budget and a bunch of charges come through on the Macy’s card and he asks how much I spent, I’ll say “It was around $50” when it was actually closer to $100.

Just like there was a Close-Talker on Seinfeld, if you had to describe me in math terms, I’d be a Round-Downer. But on this Sacred Writing Day – which is what I’ve dubbed Wednesdays now that I changed my work schedule – I couldn’t help but do a little math when I printed out the manuscript I’ve been working on.

Pages – 168.

Words – 35,913.

In visual terms, that’s about two and a half slices of Schwebel’s whole wheat bread. Right now in his office at Kent State, Dave is reading this and shaking his head and saying to all the other professors that this kind of thing is exactly the reason I should not be left home alone to write all day. Because all of the sudden I’m comparing my stack of pages to a stack of bread.

Two and a half slices of bread (168 pages) might not seem like a lot but your average mainstream summer read usually contains 60,000 – 80,000 words, and came from a manuscript averaging 300 to 400 pages. So, if I were a math person, I’d be telling myself that I need to get to five slices of bread to complete this story. See photo at the top.

If I were a math person, I’m sure I’d also have some sort of formula worked out whereupon I knew how many words I needed to write each Wednesday for the next however many months to finish out this draft.

But that bread would look pretty darn good with some peanut butter and jelly on it right about now. Time for a lunch break.

Happy, Sunny Sacred No Math Writing Day to you!


#1 Mom on 04.17.08 at 8:03 am

Do I detect a touch of Attention Defecit Disorder? Get busy on that novel. Reading it is on my “Bucket List”.

#2 MAIR on 04.17.08 at 10:38 am

Ah another classic example of the “creelman woman ADD” issue. Of course you would stack bread to figure out how you were doing on your novel – it’s all about the visual connection – water glass half full – who cares how many ounces that would be.

Keep going Aim – your only a PB & J or two away.

#3 Sissy on 04.21.08 at 11:07 am

I have to agree with the comments above only “creelman women” can associate all tasks with bread and ADD…I prefer to think of our ADD as multi-tasking. Keep on writing.

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