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Resolutely Adhering to Our Resolutions

This is Seamus and Macy Purcell reporting live from Northside where we are now one week into the new year. We’re pleased to report that we have yet to fall off the proverbial resolution wagon because we resolved to simply continue the behaviors that we have already mastered. Like, we’re really smart, beyond stable geniuses here.

“Change schmange,” says Macy. “It’s overrated. This old dog doesn’t need to learn any new tricks.”

Our deep investigation into the tradition of setting resolutions at the beginning of the new year uncovered that it’s best to aim low so here are the resolutions we have kept for seven days straight and resolve to continue for the next 358 days and beyond.

This nose for news will continue to bring you the latest and greatest from Northside and the world at large. Not to mention, my followers can’t get enough of my freckles. I predict freckles are the new black for 2018.

The Aussies of Northside are firm believers in twelve or more hours of sleep per day. Macy resolves to find the absolute best down-facing dog sleeping position to maximize comfort. Lying in the middle of the floor with front paws crossed and extended so that mom and dad have to walk around her seems to be the winning pose.

Speaking of comfort, I will continue to maximize my sofa time, including curating new pillow constructions to accommodate my needs. This also includes rearranging mom and dad as needed when they’re in my favorite spots. As an Aussie, it’s my duty to herd everyone into the right place.

Macy will continue embracing her gray and will be accessorizing with anything pink, including the bridge of her nose. The Aussies of Northside believe this is a very chic, very Paris kind of look.

In 2017, I worked hard on perfecting my “I’m starving and pathetic and really serious about needing a scrap of whatever it is you’re cooking up here” face. This year, I’ll be bringing a more serious, less cute expression because begging is serious business.

Macy will continue her quest for perfect hygiene by cleaning my ears. Sometimes she forgets I have an appointment so I just sit really close to her and nudge her until she remembers. Macy also resolves to keep her paws pristinely manicured, a healthy habit she’s kept up since she was a pup. How she does it remains a mystery but I intend to investigate her birth records to see if she’s half cat.

I am resolute in continuing my ongoing observations of The Dyson Beasts’s activities when he escapes from the closet. I will, of course, observe from a very safe distance and always with a ball in my mouth in case I need to use it as a weapon against this loud and nefarious character.

While I have no intention of getting into the clearing craze, I am assessing the condition of all of my rope toys to determine which ones are worthy of remaining in my vast collection. In order to do so, I absolutely must have all ropes out on the floor at all times for random inspection.

Reporting live from this super comfy faux fur blanket Aunt Mary brought just for me, this is Seamus and Macy Purcell hoping your resolutions have gone well this week. If it’s Sunday, it’s meet the press.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Welcome To My New Site

My old site was woefully outdated, so here’s a fresh start. Look for more updates soon.

My most recent good news is having “This is an Exercise in Detachment” selected by Roxanne Gay for The Masters Review’s Best Emerging Writers anthology. An alternate version of the story won the 2017 Bosque Fiction Prize. You can find the story here at Lithub.